I Am...

You know how all those people are occupying (fill in the blank) and holding up all those signs saying they are in the (fill in the blank) percent?

Well, I MamaHen, have a sign to hold up. But I am too lazy to get paper and pen, write it out, and then take a picture. And I don't have my makeup on yet. So definitely no picture.


Here is my sign:

Way back in January I had to go to Brookwood Hospital for a doc visit. You can read about my parking lot experience here.

Well, evidently the Brookwood parking lot and I don't get along too well.

I left the doctor a little shaky. I had to have some tests, and the doc is almost 100% sure everything is fine, but I was still a little unnerved. I paid my parking ticket before you left the hospital (per instructions). But, my ticket wouldn't print. The computer kept reading Failure to Print, Failure to Print, Failure to Print.

Even though the parking lot "Ambassador" was standing right there viewing the whole scene I still had to ask her to help. She got my last name, called someone and told them a Clark was coming to the Green Exit and that I had paid and to let me out manually.

So, I shakily proceed to my car, call my mom and begin to discuss with her what the doctor said. I guess I got a little distracted because I went to the Yellow Exit. Listen, if you haven't been in the Brookwood Hospital parking lot, don't judge.

So, I went to the Yellow Exit, pulled up to the kiosk-thingy, and of course there was not a person in the Yellow Exit.

Anybody want to guess how many people were backed up behind me?

So, I was the .000001% that had to get out of my mini-van and do some sign/body language to indicate that all those cars were going to have to back up because I was the dummy who didn't have a ticket.

And so they all backed up. Backed up just enough so that my three-point turn to get out of my predictiment turned into about a ten-point turn and the guy sitting in his car watching the whole thing got a very good laugh.

Did I mention I was already shaky?

I made my way to the Green Exit and was able to get out.

I think I am going to have to change doctors simply because of the parking lot.

Is anyone else in this small percent that has had to do this? Let yourselves be known.

Jenni, over at The One Thing , is having her Top Ten Tuesday-The Angry Addition today. I thought I would participate and list the top then things that make me angry, but which are senseless and irrational. As in, no one else can understand why they make me angry, but they just do. I know I should be able to just live and let go, but I don't have it in me.

1. The color yellow. I know. But when I see yellow it just makes me want to throw up. And it makes me mad for some reason. It makes my head hurt to even think about it. Really. Except for the yellow living room in our old house. It was the perfect shade of yellow-a light buttercup yellow. I even dislike typing the word yellow. I really don't care for the color orange either.

2. Gnats.

3. The street layout in downtown Birmingham. I think they make all those one way streets just to confuse little old ladies. And I'm not a little old lady yet, but I will be and they already confuse me.

4. Streets that change names IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET. How can you just change a street name and not change the name of the whole street?

Well, I can't think of anything else right now. But I'm sure I will wake up in the middle of the night and think of a ton of things. I always think of awesome blog posts in the middle of the night and can't remember them in the morning. I am going to add that to my list-not remembering awesome blog posts I compose in the middle of the night.

I'm sure Mark will be able to come up with several more items I have forgotten. I continue to surprise him with all the crazy things that run through my head.

What senseless irrational things make you angry? (Or am I the only one?)

Wordy Wednesday

Guess what? The kiddos had a field trip downtown yesterday and I found my way there. ALL BY MYSELF. And I did not cry. And I was the first one there. Of course I left super-early in anticipation of getting lost, but I didn't! I wish you could have heard the running commentary from the back of the van.

"Oh no Mom, I can see the tall buildings."
"Do you need to call Dad?"
"Don't be afraid Mom."

I only made one wrong turn and I realized it immediately and turned right back around. Who knows, maybe next time I might try to get to the courthouse and actually be able to find the parking deck? (Maybe I am getting a little ahead of myself?)

On the agenda for today:
School
Housework
Laundry and ironing
Lamenting and reflecting that this is Tyler's last day to be 11.

I asked him earlier if he would be 11 just one more year and he said no. I think he is being a little ungrateful, don't you? This time 11 years ago I was in a little apartment in Charlotte, NC with a hubby who was working from 6 in the morning until 8 at night. I was lonely for my momma and wanted to go home to Birmingham. I had had a doctor's appointment on Monday and he told me I could stop taking my medicine to stop early labor. But he told me not to get my hopes up. He was born 48 hours later. My body really doesn't like being pregnant, but my heart really likes having babies in the house.

So Long 2009

I have been noticing that lots of other bloggers are doing nice neat End of the Year Wrap-ups. I looked through my old posts and decided that all I did this past year was:

1) get lost downtown

2) gripe about my messy house

3) take lots of pics of my stinkin cute kiddos

So, I'll not wrap all of that up for you because with the exception of the stinkin cute kiddos it's really not that interesting.

I do want to say thank you to my family, to the old friends who read, and the new friends I have made through this blog. I love to read all of your blogs. Your comments have been so much fun and it makes my heart happy when a new post of yours pops up in my reader thingy. (I am so techno-savvy am I not?)

Thank you Sweet Pappa Rooster for starting this blog for me and encouraging me to keep it up. And I promise that when the live-in maid moves in and gets things under control I will post lots more. :)

Oh, and go check out Rachel's blog. I won a Mommy-Scout merit badge. Too bad it will take me two-three years to get it sewn on my diaper bag. At least that's how long it takes me to get the boy's and Abbie's badges sewn on their uniforms.

Goodbye?????

Well, bloggy friends, this may be the last post from old MamaHen. You see, today I am taking my children to the Children's Theater. Which is in DOWNTOWN BIRMINGHAM. For you newer readers this means nothing to you, but for those of you who have been around for awhile you are shaking your head and saying "No MamaHen don't do it!" I just realized the comma button on my keyboard is not working and it was sooooo hard for me to write that sentence without a comma. Please forgive my grammatical errors.

Last night Mark asked me if I wanted him to print out a mapquest and to just go ahead and get his computer at work ready for when I called lost and crying. You see he will find out my location and get on the computer and tell me where to go. Just like a GPS except he is much cuter! (I have a feeling I will be getting a real GPS for Christmas.) Cause you know when he is at work he needs to work and not listen to me cry and rant about how awful downtown is and why would they make it so hard to get around.

Anyways I told him he didn't need to print out a map for me and that I felt pretty confident about where I was to go. Matt quickly replied "You said that last time."

So if I don't post soon just know that I am wondering around downtown with my four kiddos.

I'm taking extra snacks just in case.

***Edited to add: I made it home! I made it there with nary a mishap. Went straight to the civic center and straight to my parking space. I was super-early (I left waaaay early in case I got lost) and we had time to spare. "MapQuest~~ I don't need no stinkin Mapquest."

Fill In The Blank

Thank you for all your sweet words on yesterday's post. Yesterday was a doozy. I mean a knock me out for the count doozy. But, today has been much better. I have even decided to let the kids do a messy science project after James goes down for his nap. I'm thinking I need some time on my swing today too. If I don't get my swing time each day I get grouchy.

I saw this meme thing on A Dusty Attic (in my roosts) and thought I would do it too. If you decide to put it on your blog leave me a comment so I can come see.

1. Maybe I should be….I am not even going to start listing all I SHOULD be doing right now.
2. I love…my sweet hubby, my kiddos, and warm brownies with ice cream on top.
3. People would say that I …..am slightly dramatic (well, Mark says overly dramatic, but what does he know, I mean he just lives with me :) )
4. I don’t understand...when I have to drive downtown why I get lost every time. Why is it so confusing to me?
5. When I wake up in the morning…..I "tumble out of bed and stumble in the kitchen"
6. I lost…..my video camera and I still don't know where it is!
7. Life is full of……children laughing, crying, whining, or fighting.
8. My past taught me….(I'm still learning everyday)
9. I get annoyed when…..people's toenails aren't painted (I know people, but I just can't let it go).
10. At a party I……tend to get shy, unless it's with my good girlfriends and then I talk and talk and talk...
11. I wish……the social worker would call and say we have a baby girl.
12. Dogs……are cute, loud, and stinky.
13. Cats…..don't even get me started.
14. Tomorrow…..is library day!
15. I have a low tolerance for…..(see #9 above).
16. If I had a million dollars…..I would build a big house and fill it full of adopted children.
17. I’m totally terrified of……mice and heights.

Now it’s your turn!

Why I Get Lost EVERYTIME I Go Downtown

My dad sent this to me and it made me smile. I thought I would just post the part about the roads, but as I read on I realized "Yeah, that's about right..." Except for the part about the women smoking the Marlboro's. I really don't see that many women smoking in public anymore. Even in their own car. But anyway, of course some of this is an overgeneralization, but some of it is just plain truth, especially about the Malfunction Junction. I'm not sure who to give credit to on this, but it if definitely someone who lives here in the South. You can't understand it until you live it.

Visitors Guide to Birmingham , Alabama
First you must learn to pronounce the city's name.
It's 'Bur-min-ham'.

Driving Information:
Burminham has its own version of traffic rules. The truck with the loudest exhaust goes next at a four-way stop.The truck with the biggest tires goes after that. Note: Blue-haired ladies driving anything have the right-of-way anytime.

To find anything in the city, it is required that you know where Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It may be one of only two 'cloverleaf formation' interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again Atlanta -- making them only a wee bit dumber than we are.

The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour isf rom 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning. If the term 'merging delays' is ever used by the person reporting the traffic, even in passing, call in to work and tell them that you will beat least 30 minutes late regardless of where you are in your commute.

If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least)rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and female drivers alike.

You must know that 'I-459,' 'I-59,' 'I-20,' and 'I-65' are the same road.

They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other's path. We think this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors after the War of Northern Aggression.

Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won't be pleasantly going anywhere else.

Construction is a permanent fixture in Burminham. The barrels are moved around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a little more interesting.

If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them over to thes houlder immediately to let them know -- you can be sure it was 'accidentally activated'.

The minimum acceptable speed on 'I-65' (see above) is 85 mph.Anything less is considered downright sissy.

This is also Alabama 's state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR --especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will be'flipped a bird' accordingly.

Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming from north of Burminham, she might be packing. If she is coming from south of Burminham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.

Weather Information:
If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it's 10-20degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Burminham residents consider this 'demolition derby' day and will be all over the roads(frontways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could be the next target.

Seasonal Information:
If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.

If you need to let the car 'get some air' while standing next to it with the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.

If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is Fall. If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.

General Information:
Do not ever speak during the song ' Sweet Home Alabama ' unless it is to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and will erupt in a brawl if everyone doesn't show 'proper respect' to the band who gave us Free Bird. This is especially true if alcohol is present (notice I didn't say 'sold at this event,' but 'present').

Yes, we know that Vulcan is mooning the entire city. It's not that funny to us anymore, and by now we're used to it.

If you ask someone for a 'coke,' they will often ask you, 'What kind?'This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr.Pepper, Root Beer, etc., it is all 'coke'.

All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you are in a Chinese restaurant or have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line .

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes on earth and 4,998 of them live in Alabama .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Alabama , plus a couple no one's seen before.

If it grows, it sticks; if it crawls, it bites.

Onced and Twiced are words.

It is not a shopping cart; it is a buggy.

People actually grow and eat okra.

'Fixinto' is one word.

There is no such thing as 'lunch.' There is only dinner and then supper.

Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.

DJeet is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is.

You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.

You measure distance in minutes.

You'll probably have to switch from 'heat' to 'A/C' in the same day.

All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable,grain, insect or animal.

You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

You carry jumper cables in your car . . . for your OWN car.

There are only own four spices: salt, pepper, Tabasco and ketchup.

The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and sports.

The first day of deer season is a national holiday.

100 degrees Fahrenheit is 'a little warm.

We have four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time.

Fried catfish is the other white meat.

We don't need no stinking driver's ed... if our mama says we can drive, we can drive.

The Winner

My Abbie was up at 6:52 AM this morning wanting to draw the name for the giveaway. She has taken this very seriously and monitered all the comments yesterday. She is ready to do another giveaway today. I told her we might need to wait a little while. But enough chit-chat. The winner is

Lisa from Tales of a Soon-To-Be-Soccer Mom

Lisa has two of the cutest little girls ever and you should run to her blog right now and tell her congrulations! I still don't know how to do links though so we will just all send her happy congratulation thoughts! I will email you Lisa and get your address. I will be out and about tomorrow and will put it all in the mail for you.

Today, we will be doing school and then this afternoon Abbie has her American Heritage Girl Christmas Party and then we will be walking in a Christmas parade tonight. It's pretty cold so it will be interesting to see how 50 little elementary girls who are used to 60 degree winters will do with the coldness. And how thjose mommas will too!

By the way, I only got lost once yesterday. And it was a controlled lost. I knew I was going in the wrong direction while I was doing it so it was not too hard to turn around. Just so you know I am not completely impaired the big intersection thing that takes you into downtown is called "Malfunction Junction." So I know I must not be the only one!

My 100th Post and First Giveaway!

ARGGGGGGG!!!! Do you hear me yelling from there? I just wrote a whole post about it being my birthday and my 100th post and having to drive downtown in the rain, and somehow I just deleted it! ARGGGG!!!! Just so you know, when you hit "Save As Draft" it does NOT Save It As a Draft.

Anyway, today is my birthday. The kids will be waking up soon and I will get all my sweet little cards they make me. Mark makes sure they make me a card the night before and I have saved them all.

I enjoy posting and meeting new friends and catching up with old ones so much through this blog. I don't scrapbook so this is an easy way for me to remember all the things my kids do and say and write what I am thinking about that day.

Just for fun, I would like to know who is reading this here old blog. I happen to know some are reading, but not commenting (you lurkers you!) so this is your chance to delurk. I am having my first -ever giveaway.

Included is a Snowflake picture frame, a yummy cinnamon candle, a bag filled with yummy chocolates, and a $10 Target gift card. All you have to do is comment and tell me "How many times you think I will get lost downtown today." Just kidding, but believe me, if the past is any indication it will be a lot. No, tell me "What is your favorite cake (or pie in my case), they you like for your birthday." Mine would have to be lemon or key lime. And I happen to know my Sweet Hubby has a key lime pie waiting for me in the fridge! He is the bestest hubby ever. So just comment and be sure to put your email address in the comment if you don't have a blog. I'll mail it to anywhere in the US. Sorry Joy, but my kids are expecting Christmas presents this year:). By the way, if you haven't gone to visit Joy at A Joyful Keeper, you need to. She is on my blogroll and I wish she was my neighbor.

I'll keep this open until midnight tonight and then let one of my sweet little children whom I'm sure has a wonderful present for dear mommy, draw a name in the morning. I'll get it mailed out this weekend.

Thank you for all your sweet and funny comments in the past. They make my day!