Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Motherhood 101: You Ain't Ever Going Anywhere Edition

I have observed a phenomenon in the mommy world I thought I should share with other moms out there. No doubt you have observed it also. And lived it.

As a new mom you tend to stay home and love on your little one well, because it is wonderful thing to do, and also because it is so much stinking trouble to get the little one out of the house. I will tell you that by Child Four I had streamlined the getting out of the house paraphernalia down to the bare necessities~a diaper, travel size wipes, and a paci stuck down in my purse. But with my first, I had my purse, a huge diaper bag, a insulated warmer for the bottle, the stroller, and that dumb car seat. Oh that I had known about baby slings then. I lugged Tyler around in that heavy car seat when all he wanted to do was be close to me. He loved to be snuggled and held.

Anyways, as the months progress you start to get a little excited because getting out seems like it will be a little easier. They are easier to just prop on your hip and carry and they can sit up in the buggy at the grocery store. You start to dream of all the places you will go and all the things you will do and how everyone will admire your beautiful baby and tell you what a wonderful mother you must be to have produced such a gorgeous well-behaved baby.

And then reality hits. Here is it ladies-you ain't ever going anywhere.

You want to know why?

Because from the time the child can walk he will be standing in front of you NOT WALKING.

Children have an instinct that can only be described this way: They will stand directly in front of you whenever you want to move. They know the direction you want to go and they move there. They particularly like to do this when you are in the grocery store and pushing a buggy. Ask me how I know.

They also like to do this when you have your hands full of something and you are moving to put it down.

They are particularly fond of doing this when you are in a hurry. They feed off your hurryiness (yep, a word I just made up) and respond in direct proportion to it.

So, in the spirit of just telling it like it is---Get used to either staying at home or get used to politely (in your most frustrated mommy whisper voice) asking your children to move. Just one step over. That's all your asking of them-just move one step over.

That step is a leap those children have a hard time making.

Do your children like to stand right in front of you all the time? Or is just mine?


  1. Yes my kids always do this.
    My answer is to trample them.

  2. Trained mine to follow along like ducks... It's pretty funny to come to a round a corner in the supermarket, the person waiting for me to come round, usually makes a disapproving face, when they see my little ducks following along... Meaning that they have to wait longer to turn up the aisle themselves. It always gives me a chuckle though!!!

  3. Gosh yes, mine used to do this ALL THE TIME! It has gotten better as they got older, but now the dogs constantly get in my way instead. At least they're not with me in the grocery store though...

  4. And here I thought I was the only one with this problem. I have just one kid and I'm constantly telling him to move out of the way.

  5. Have our kids been conspiring together? They loo so aggrieved when I rum over their heels with the cart

  6. Oh Wendy, it's "you ain't ever going nowhere". See that's how you say it in the South. When did you turn Yankee?

  7. Ha. This is funny. I've seen so many kids do that. My girls are now 16 and 22, but still slow me down. ;-) One day that will reverse and I'll be the one slowing THEM down. ha.

  8. OMGosh - "Because from the time the child can walk he will be standing in front of you NOT WALKING." HOW TRUE IS THAT! I thought it was just me! Thanks for clearing the air!!!