Lessons and More Lessons....

You know, I have been a mom for 15 years now, and you would think I would stop being surprised.  But yet.


It seems that there are some lessons that my children need to learn over and over and over.  Such as:

~Turning off the lights.  My boys cut and haul wood, they build fences, and they are responsible for the live-being of several animals.  But they can't remember to turn off the lights when they leave a room.  They also can't remember to shut the back door, close the fridge, or take out the trash when it finally spills over the mountain of garbage they have constructed into the floor.  But Abbie can remember the time I told them all to "Just shut up!" (which is a very bad word in our house), nine years ago.  Its an amazing talent she has-she can recall everything I have ever said wrong in her entire life.

~Just because it is in this house it is not yours.  I accidentally broke one of my children's coffee cups the other morning, and the child actually said, "You owe me $11."  Mark took one look at him and said, "Okay, but how about you paying me back for everything of mine that you have ever broken?"  That quickly put an end to that conversation.

~Money is not free.  Just because it pops out of the magic machine at the bank does not mean their Father did not have to go to work everyday to earn it.  Last night Abbie told me, "I just needed to save up for something." (an household item) and she almost heard the forbidden words again.

~And in the discussion I never thought I would have to have category-I had to explain to a certain seven year old last night that his underwear is dirty no matter what it looks like when he takes it off and it does not go back into his underwear drawer without being washed.  No telling how long this has been going on.  He evidently thought it had to "look dirty" to be considered dirty. 

And I am learning that I am much stronger than I ever thought I could be.  I am teaching a 15 year old boy how to drive.  Did you know that a person can yell, "Turn on your blinker!!!!!" and "Stay in this lane!!!!!" and "Slow down son!!!!!" all the while having a mini-heart attack?  They can. 

The Tangled Web That Led To One Lone Spoon....

To say that the child has an imagination would be an understatement.  This child can scare his own self so bad at night by thinking of the bad dreams he might have he begins to cry and runs to me to me for consolation.  He wakes up almost every morning with a new character in his head and his whole morning, or until he thinks of something else, will be devoted to living out that character or scenario.

So you can imagine the tension I encounter almost daily between trying to explain to your six year old what is a lie and what is a fun story you made up for entertainment purposes.  And how the older you get it is very important to be sure to differentiate between your entertainment stories and your flat out lies.  We need a code word for the entertainment side-Maybe, "Mom, I'm making this up, but it sure is funny and cute."

So, one spoon was found in the yard.  Along with a bowl so as Ma from Little House would say, "There is no great loss without some small gain." 

 I lost about 15 spoons, but found a bowl.

Apparently when I declared that all my spoons were missing this prompted James' little mind to go into overdrive and things go all "confused in his head" (his exact words) about things his Aunt Mollie had told him, his actual taking of the spoons outside (I believe now it was the one lone spoon that was found), and something he buried a long time ago in memory of our former dog Sadie, who now lives with the said Aunt Mollie. 

And I am up to four spoons in the house.  We found two in the boy's room and Tyler found the one outside.  We are moving on up in the world now.  Only two more and we will all be able to eat our cereal at the same time. :)

So now I can add crime scene investigator, lawyer, judge, and lie detector to my mom resume.  And spoon purchaser.

 Walmart loves families like mine.

Mothering-in a nutshell...

You wake up.  You mother.  You get really tired.  You press on.  And you sleep.  Repeat.

That is the way it has felt lately.  Lots of mothering been going on here this week.

Oh, but what a good repetitive boring wonderful heartbreaking joy-building thing it is!

School with James has been hard this week.  He can be quite stubborn and it is all fixated on his reading right now.  Listen, if any of you asked advice about teaching your child to read-I would be your woman.

 I would say, "Put the phonics books away, send him outside, read TO him lots of books he is interested in, don't worry.  Pick up the books when he is 7 or 8 and then he will soar."

And that is exactly what I did with one of my sons.  And it worked.  Perfectly.

But this child.  Oh my goodness. He wants to KNOW how to read, he just doesn't want to take the time to LEARN how to read.  And he is very clever.  And he knows how to get to my mind and heart-strings.  I am having to pull out the tough momma card with him in school and it is exhausting.  Yesterday his eyes wouldn't work and his fingers were too tired to hold the pencil and oh, the tears started to flow.  After a little applied discipline it was amazing how those eyes woke up and he wasn't so tired anymore.

We are going to try something new starting today.  His school time has always been after lunch.  I would take care of all the big kid's school in the morning and then do school with him after lunch.  He had the morning to play outside or spend time with Granny.  Well, now I am changing it to his school first and he can't play until he gets his school done. We'll see how it goes. 

And if that doesn't work I will try something else.  And then something else

That's what being a momma is all about-loving them enough to keep on trying something else.  And to keep on doing the same ole same ole each day in and out.  Because when your little one brings you wild flowers or draws you that special picture or gives you a wet sloppy  kiss it is worth it.  Every mom knows this-we just need to keep telling each other that.

Hope you have a wonderful weekend-it going to be a cold one here.  I predict lots of snuggles, reading, and time on the couch with my electric throw. :)

Games Children Play-A Guest Post...

Today's post is written by all the "It Wasn't Mes" that live in my house.

Welcome!  Today we want to share with you some games children play.  An alternate title might be "How To Make Your Mother Not Know Whether She Is Coming Or Going."  It is a really fun thing to play and do and I hope that you will learn all the finer details necessary in making the mommy feel like she is loosing it a little bit more everyday.  It's fun!  It's educational!  It makes our daddy laugh and laugh.

Here are some variations on the game:

1.  As soon as she pours creamer into her coffee cup and turns her back to grab the coffee carafe move her coffee cup.  If you have time to get it completely hidden all the better.  If you can manage to do this BEFORE her first cup of the day you will have hit the jackpot.  Constantly practice your innocent face as to not draw attention to yourself.

2.  After the mom and dad are sound asleep change your sleeping location. It can be anywhere.  Anywhere but where you are supposed to be in them middle of the night when she gets up to make sure you are covered up and aren't too cold.  Because that little moment of panic she feels when she realizes her sweet darling is not where they are supposed to IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT is priceless.  Priceless, I say.

3. In the same vein as #2 - watching her face makes it so worthwhile.  Be sure to say "Here!" when she does a headcount in the car to make sure all of the offspring are accounted for and buckled in.  Wait until she is way down the road and then duck down.  When she glances in the rear view mirror to look at your adorable face she will have this fleeting moment of panic and anxiety as she tries to remember if she actually counted Child #3 in the headcount.  If you can get the other children to look panicked also it will help the scenario tremendously.

4.  Change the ring tone on her cell phone quite frequently.  She loves this.

5. When she is changing the TV with the XBox controller use the other controller to immediately undo whatever she just did.  You have to be very secretive to get this one done, but if you can pull it off you get bonus points in the mischievous  category.  Those couple of seconds as the rapid thoughts of "Did she pay the Netflix bill?" or did she pay the phone bill and why is the internet not working and maybe she just dreamed she paid the bills and now what are we going to do-payday isn't for four more days and what about all the food in the freezer and what if it gets really cold and we have no heat and DHR comes and takes the children away??????!!!!!"

You can't make these kind of moments up. 

So, to summarize-find those things that you know makes her a little nervous anyway.  And play on those things.

Because nothing if funnier than a mom who can't find her coffee cup and then Child #1 asks for help with algebra and Child #2 comes in with a big cut down the middle of his leg and blood is pouring, and Child #3 upset because Cody on Suite Life didn't do what she thought he should do and Child #4 is absolutely starving and has fallen out in the floor in despair.  And if Daddy is at home when #5 happens he will get to laugh and laugh and laugh.

*** Don't forget you can enter my mom's giveaway here.

Friday Linky-Loos...

Okay-all my grand plans for cleaning and organizing and giveaways-down the drain.

That is the short story-there are many long stories that led up to the short story, but basically it all ended after several converstations with Mark about some anxieties I was having and then reading this.

I had to be reminded of what I love to tell others-do what has to be done and all the other will fall into place.  Or not get done at all.  Food, clothes, school.  Those are my things.  Everyone has to eat.  Mark has to have clean ironed clothes to wear to work each day.  The children have to be schooled.

Now, there are 10,000 other things that need to be done.  But not necessarily today.  And Mark reminded me of something else that I tend to lose sight of-the children are part of the family-they are not guests of honor here.  They can get up and work just like he and I do every day.  And that work is good for them.  And good for their future employers and families.  And for their family today.

So-go read this. 

And take a deep breath.  And just do the next thing.

I'll still have the little giveaway next week sometime.  And probably by then be back on track and moving along with my house plans.  Or maybe not.  :)

It Seemed Legit To Him...

James and Abbie just came to me cat-a-whalling because they had gotten into a kicking fight with each other.  James kicked Abbie first and she let loose and kicked him back.  I'm not sure why an eleven year old would get into a tussle with a five year old, but I realized a couple of children ago not too ask too many questions.  She was talked to and then I addressed James about why he proceeded to kick her first.

He lied at first and said he didn't do it.  I knew he did though and I kept prodding until he finally admitted,

"I didn't kick her, I just prodded her a little with my foot."

After I regained my composure I explained to him that "prodding with your foot" is the same as kicking and it was not to happen again. 

Interesting start to the day.

How To Spend A Lovely Thursday Afternoon....

These two love to play.  As I am trying to keep the "little" in my little girl as long as I can I am delighted that she still loves to get out and play with her brother. 

Yesterday they converted an old goat holding pen to a hideout.  It was a hideout right in the middle of the backyard, but for them it worked perfectly.  They played and talked and listened to the radio.  I served them their hot dogs out there also and James thought that was so fun.

I will be the first to admit I don't know much about being a good mom, but I do know this-let your children play outside.  Let them imagine.  Let them make a mess.  Let them build and create.  Let them know they are safe to create and give things a try.  They will never have this time again to be children and do this--so let them now.  Give them the free time to explore and just sit in the swing and think.  Don't fill all their moments up with busy work.  Make them work, mind you, (believe me, mine work) but play is an important part of their work. 

I think one of the best sounds in the world is hearing my children outside laughing and playing.  I don't want you to miss out on that.

Motherhood 101: The Say It Exactly As You Mean It Edition....

Scene: 

We are starting our morning work after breakfast.  I tell one of the teenage sons (I'll leave his name off to protect his identity) to do get started on his zone.

And then, I say these words,

"And you might want to vacuum in there.  The carpet is looking pretty rough."

And then I walk away to do my morning work.

Later in the morning:

"Son, why didn't you vacuum?"

His reply:

"You said, you might want to, and I didn't want to."

And lesson learned-when talking to boys, spell it out for them. 

They are not inept as many would believe. 

They are smart-too smart.

And he was smart enough to interpret the mommy-look I gave him and immediately got the vacuum cleaner out and got to work.

You can be sure...

You know that old saying,

"The only thing you can be sure of are death and taxes."

Well, I am here to disprove that saying.  Because there are some more things I can  be sure of.

Such as...

If I drop the gas cap at the gas station it will ALWAYS roll under the car.  Never beside the car, but UNDER the car.  All the way under.  Right in the middle.  And I will be wearing a skirt.

If I have a new book that I have been waiting forever to read and I get settled on my swing and in giddy anticipation open the cover--someone will automatically get sick or seriously injured.

If I get the house all cleaned at the same time--no one will show up at the front door.  But, if it is all falling apart at once--several people will come knocking.

My four children will not even know I am on the planet until I get settled into a long phone discussion with Rebekah. And then, just as we are about to solve one of the big world problems, all four children will need me for something.  I think the cell phone emits a sound wave or something that attracts children to me when it is put up to my ear.

And of course, the one that all moms know...

No one will need me until I go to the bathroom.  And then everyone needs me.  Right then.

So, what are some things you are sure of.....

How To Play Monopoly With A Five Year Old....

While thrift store shopping with my mom the other day I found a Lord Of The Rings Monopoly game for 99 cents.  Its risky with games, but for 99 cents I couldn't pass it up.

Lo and behold all the pieces were there and guess who wants to play the most of all?

James.  The Five Year Old.  Who:
-cannot read
-cannot add or subtract
-and has never seen Lord of the Rings

So--it was interesting to say the least.

I used all my mommy-muster not to lose my patience as he tried again and again to buy all the Horse cards and today it turned into putting all the pieces out on the board as he fought with each one of them "to get out of his way" as he moved across the board.

I tell you, it was amazing how quickly I lost all my money and he "won" again.

See how much fun MamaHen is having?  She did smile and clap and cheer him on to victory when he was looking though.

I think there might be a special crown in heaven for moms who play Monopoly with their five year olds.

Motherhood 101: Bickering Edition

Its been a long 14 years, but I think I have finally figured out how to stop my children from bickering.  Its very simple really.  And it involves something I do everyday any way.

I simply talk louder than my children.  When they start bickering/fussing I start yelling over them:

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you. 

Ephesians 4: 32

And then if they don't stop you just get louder and louder incrementally  until you are yelling so loud all they can do is stare at you.


I have found this to be very effective in the van where 87.3% of their bickering happens.

But yesterday we were walking into the library and Child Fuss and Child Fight started in on each other. 

Child Fuss suddenly remembered and stopped short and looked at me with wide eyes.

And she said pleadingly,  

"Mom, please don't start yelling Bible verses at us in the parking lot!" 

And all the fussing ceased. 

And I smiled a little smile and we went on our merry way.

A Note To My Dear Dear Mother....

Dear Dear Mother,

I would like to publicly apologize for my growing up years between the ages of 10 and 15. I realize now how hard it must have been to live with me as I thought I knew everything about everything and everybody. I knew how to raise children better, how to keep house better, and well, everything really. Bless my little heart, and yours too, because I now know I knew how to do absolutely nothing.

As I now have a child between the ages of 10 and 15 who thinks they know everything too and has no problem vocalizing their thoughts to me I think upon you. And how it must have taken all your self-composure and patience not to knock me into the next tomorrow or scream. Or do both.

You are a women of great patience and wisdom. You survived a child who thought she knew everything, but really knew very little. And you let said child survive.

Sincerely,

The Daughter Who Used To Know Everything And Made It A Point To Tell You So Daily.

PS. Please forgive me. :)

Motherhood 101: The Duran Duran Edition....

This post explains how to:

1) Make your 13 year old smile-even if it is was just a little smile, it was a smile nonetheless.
2) Completely and totally mortify your 12 and 10 year old.
3) Thoroughly delight your five year old.

When everyone is bickering and fussing at each other cause we've been stuck in the van for five hours with each other just do this:

Turn on the radio to the Oldies station. And become shocked once again because the songs you listened to in high school are on the oldies station.

Realize that Duran Duran's Hungry Like The Wolf is playing and begin to sing really loudly. Move around and snap your fingers and act like you are dancing in the car. Smile at the people looking at you in the cars around you. Keep smiling and singing. The louder the better.

100% Guaranteed to work.

Motherhood 101: Words To Watch For Edition....

Here's a head up for any moms who have not-yet-talking children. If you hear any of the these words coming from your child's mouth be prepared to:

1. Get up and/or
2. Panic and/or
3. Run to the store and/or
4. Take someone to the ER and
5. Cry, because really,"all you wanted was to sit here in your comfy pjs and finish your book. That's all you wanted. You did not want to have to go anywhere, you just wanted to finish your book. Why? Why do they wait until you pick up your book? Why?????"

You will have to do any of these things or possibly a combination of the above things when you hear your little darlings say:

"Oh mom, I forgot..."

"Mom, don't get upset, but..."

"I was just..."

"Its not bad, just a little cut..."

"I am supposed to have (insert any of a number of things) by Bible Study tomorrow..."

"I can't find..."

Do you moms have any to add to the list of "be prepared" phrases?

Mommy Fail...

If you celebrate your 12 year old's birthday and then tell your four year old that his birthday is "next"... be careful to define what "next" is. As in "next" month. Because you might wake up with a very disappointed still-four year old the "next" morning.

Motherhood 101: You Ain't Ever Going Anywhere Edition

I have observed a phenomenon in the mommy world I thought I should share with other moms out there. No doubt you have observed it also. And lived it.

As a new mom you tend to stay home and love on your little one well, because it is wonderful thing to do, and also because it is so much stinking trouble to get the little one out of the house. I will tell you that by Child Four I had streamlined the getting out of the house paraphernalia down to the bare necessities~a diaper, travel size wipes, and a paci stuck down in my purse. But with my first, I had my purse, a huge diaper bag, a insulated warmer for the bottle, the stroller, and that dumb car seat. Oh that I had known about baby slings then. I lugged Tyler around in that heavy car seat when all he wanted to do was be close to me. He loved to be snuggled and held.

Anyways, as the months progress you start to get a little excited because getting out seems like it will be a little easier. They are easier to just prop on your hip and carry and they can sit up in the buggy at the grocery store. You start to dream of all the places you will go and all the things you will do and how everyone will admire your beautiful baby and tell you what a wonderful mother you must be to have produced such a gorgeous well-behaved baby.

And then reality hits. Here is it ladies-you ain't ever going anywhere.

You want to know why?

Because from the time the child can walk he will be standing in front of you NOT WALKING.

Children have an instinct that can only be described this way: They will stand directly in front of you whenever you want to move. They know the direction you want to go and they move there. They particularly like to do this when you are in the grocery store and pushing a buggy. Ask me how I know.

They also like to do this when you have your hands full of something and you are moving to put it down.

They are particularly fond of doing this when you are in a hurry. They feed off your hurryiness (yep, a word I just made up) and respond in direct proportion to it.

So, in the spirit of just telling it like it is---Get used to either staying at home or get used to politely (in your most frustrated mommy whisper voice) asking your children to move. Just one step over. That's all your asking of them-just move one step over.

That step is a leap those children have a hard time making.

Do your children like to stand right in front of you all the time? Or is just mine?

This and That Monday...

Its 8:00 am and James just came and said, "How about we have a clam bake tomorrow night?"

After I shook off the shock of my four year old even knowing what a clam bake is I explained there weren't a lot of fresh clams here in mid-Alabama, much less a beach to bake them on. He seemed okay with that explanation and headed on his way. Now I want to go to the beach and have seafood.

But, we won't be doing that today. School calls here. Mark has given me some projects he wants to the kids to work on today so they will be busy with that after school. And then Scouts tonight. I will be working on more pears and making a big grocery and to-do list for the next two weeks. I feel all flustered because I haven't sat down and made out a good list in quite a while.

Although it is still hot here, the air is changing. This weekend was wonderful. Mark and the two big boys went camping with the Scouts and so Abbie, James, and I had a very laid-back weekend at home. The humidity was down and there was a touch of crispness in the air. I know we will still have many more hot days here (it is usually hot on Halloween here), but it was so nice this weekend. I spent some of the weekend having hammock time. I have decided hammock time is very necessary for happy mommies. I think I will add it to my Motherhood 101 series.

Is the weather changing at your house?

Motherhood 101

Let it be known that after 13 years of parenting I have learned this~

Children have an aversion to:

1) Turning off the lights as they leave a room

2) Picking up any item of underwear that is not theirs.

3) Folding any item of underwear that is not theirs.

4) Looking at any item of underwear that is not theirs.

4) Putting any form of laundry INTO the hamper, and not right beside it.

5) Changing a roll of toilet paper. Evidently it must shock their little hands or something.

6) Emptying the trash can when it gets to the top. Evidently their creative sensibilities encourage them to see how many different ways they get that last empty milk carton to actually stay on top of the pile.

7) Put both shoes together in the SAME place. Evidently it is much more fun to run around the house on Sunday mornings yelling, "I can't find my other shoe!!!!"

8) Closing the back door when I have the air conditioning running.

9) Keeping the back door open when I don't have the air running.

I thought my children might need some intensive therapy to help them overcome these phobias. But now I realize, most, if not all, children have these aversions (please tell me my household is not the only one effected).

I think the moms are the ones who might need the therapy.

What aversions do your children have? Please, make me feel better.....

Motherhood 101: Sibing Arguments Edition

Here are some mommy reminders on handling sibling arguments (not that I would know anything about that, ahem...):

1. Sometimes it is best NOT to know all the details.

2. Sometimes, by the time you figure out "who started it" the kids will have forgotten what "it" was all about.

3. Sometimes it is best NOT to know why "it" was started in the first place.

4. All children have an alter-ego called "Not Me."

5. In the end, sometimes the best thing to do is to banish them all to their rooms or separate areas of the house. And the best way to finish "it" is with a bowl of chocolate ice cream with fudgy chunks of brownie in it. (For the mom, of course)

***And Happy Birthday to my Daddy too!

Motherhood 101, Part 3

How To Tell If Your Children Are Up To Something:

~you walk into a room and someone says, "He did it!"
~it is very quite for a long time
~you walk into your child's room to put something away and there is a mad scramble
~a child walks in and asks for a butter knife and some aluminium foil
~a child walks in and asks if keeping a baby possum is okay
~a child walks in and immediately heads to the shower

If you child demonstrates any of these behaviors you can rest assured he is up to something. Occassionally it is something good.