Saturday, October 4, 2008

If you...

If you tell a mom the Cub Scouts and their moms and dads are coming to her house for a cookout she will say "Oh good", because it's two weeks away and she will have plenty of time to get the house in order.

The two weeks will pass and the mom will tell her best friend, "You know, I'm just not worried about the house being a mess, I mean it will get messed up anyway when they are here."

Then, the day of the cookout arrives and the mom wakes up and suddenly she DOES care because she has been gone for two days and it looks like not one, but two tornadoes ripped through the house.

So, she will send the kids a cleaning and get into a panic and clean things that no one will ever possibly see and starts to tell herself very negative things like "Lets just call the whole thing off!"

Then the chicken coop will choose that day to completely fall in and the chickens will get out and one son will come in screaming like its the end of the world. The mom will go out to try to repair the chicken coop and realize this is way beyond what she and her sons are capable of and will have to try and find an alternative place for the chickens to reside until the daddy can come home.

While trying to round up all the escaped chickens one son will step on a rusty nail which penetrates his shoe, sock, and foot. The mom will go inside and give kisses and apply antiobiotic cream and bandages and then send said child back out to catch the chickens.

She will then resume cleaning and in the midst of that she will referee 10,000 sibling rivalries and try to pay attention to the toddler who is roaming around after her whining "I know I had a Mommy somewhere!"

At the appointed time the guests will arrive and the mom will try to look all put together and say "Don't worry, it's no problem having the cub scouts over." to all the moms who were clever and did not volunteer their home for the cookout.

They will all thank her profusely as they leave with their cub scouts in tow and the mom will go into the house and literally collapse in the recliner. The daughter will bring me a quilt and the mom will fall asleep and sleep in the recliner all night.

But not before the mom realizes the ONLY people who went into her SUPER CLEAN house the ENTIRE night were two third grade boys who someone managed to tinkle all over her SUPER CLEAN toilet.



  1. This is absolutely hilarious! I am sorry no one came in to appreciate it! Is the nail-inflicted foot O.K.? And where did you put the chickens? This might require a phone call. . . .

    Laughing with you,
    (you are laughing aren't you?)

  2. Giggle! At least you have a clean and tidy house to enjoy today!

  3. This is my first visit to your blog. You are a riot! We have our house on the market and so I am all too familiar with the frantic clean up. It really makes for some warm, fuzzy memories, doesn't it?

    Can't wait to visit your blog again!

  4. ha! you have given me a good laugh this morning and reminder not to volunteer for such things when my little boy gets older!

  5. Girl, I am living the dream. When I volunteered to have not one, but TWO get-togethers at my house, plus my daughter's birthday, all in one week, I'm not sure what I was thinking.

    I just hope the barn doesn't fall in on the chickens and nobody steps on a rusty nail!

  6. Oh, this is so funny! I can just see this whole scenario, and oh how I hate those manic cleaning episodes prior to company arriving! I think the clutter and messes just increase exponentially with the number of children you have. Oh, and if you ever have extra eggs, let's talk before AHG one night. We go through about four dozen per week here. I always get such funny looks at the cash register when eggs go on sale and I check out with eight dozen . . .